I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
