my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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