I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
