I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
