I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
