dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
