Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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