im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
