I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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