Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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