that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
