you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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