My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
