did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
