Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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