It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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