Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
