I think I died a long time ago.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
So many bounce houses so little time
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
