My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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