remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
