i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
