I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He did a backflip because drugs
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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