is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
