At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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