Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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