I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
