My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Welp...herpes.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
