Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
