just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
