If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
