dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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