i think i have two assholes
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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