my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
