Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
