I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
