if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
