So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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