I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
