a queef is a wish your heart makes.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
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