i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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