margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
