someone get that fucking seahorse.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
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I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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