I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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