how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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