I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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