Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
