A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
