He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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