I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
