i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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