How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
