I used to practice getting hit by cars.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
