I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
