You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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