some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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