I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
