how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
