I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Your topless pictures make me question reality
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
