Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
