I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
