plz talk dirty to me
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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