So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
