for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
