and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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