He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Drake has all the answers
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
