does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just googled if crying burns calories
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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