he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
