omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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