big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
operation have a gay friend backfired
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
