i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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