she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
