6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
