Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
