When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
